1 Day That Comes Around Every Year
Ah Valentine’s Day, that one day of the year when it’s acceptable for even the hardest of hearts to go a bit soppy. Some people love it and really get into the swing of things, some hate it and some couldn’t care less.
Often the state of your love life can have a big impact on how you feel on the 14th of February.
When love is new and exciting it’s easy to get caught up in the cards, balloons, gifts and specially themed nights out (I’m guessing here – it’s been a long time!).
If you’re in a long-term relationship it can become a bit of a non-event. I know it is for me and my hubby – we tend to save any money we would have spent to put towards a holiday, although sometimes I do sneakily buy him a card.
If you’re single on Valentine’s day (and wish you weren’t) it can be a real struggle to ignore all the fuss and fanfare. Staying positive and focusing on the good in your life is tricky when the world is telling you that you should be madly in love and annoying other people with your public displays of affection.
2 Common Mistakes Most People Are Making. Are You One Of Them?
These are 2 mistakes that nearly everyone makes and if you’re doing this, it’s stopping you from feeling loved and nurtured and diminishing your happiness. Here are the mistakes most people make:
They Wait For Someone Else To Make Them Happy
They Complain When It Doesn’t Happen
Most people are either waiting for their partner to do x and y to make them happy, or waiting to find THE ONE (who will do x and y), especially around V-day. This is really flawed thinking and here’s why:
Whether you’re in the ‘perfect’ relationship or not, it is never and will never be someone else’s job to make you happy. Not by saying nice things to you, not by buying you stuff and not by changing the way they behave.
The sole responsibility for your happiness is yours. If you take one thing away from reading this, I want it to be that you are the one to make you happy. Taking responsibility for your own happiness might sound scary, I know it’s challenging, but what it really means is that you have all the power you need in this relationship with yourself.
Read on to get my 3 secrets for loving yourself like nobody else can on Valentine’s day, because the smart people Do It Themselves!
3 Secrets To Make This The Best V-Day Ever
Warning: Secret #1 Is Tough To Do, But Definitely Worth It!
My first secret is not new, but most people aren’t doing it yet. A while ago I read a book by Louise Hay called You Can Heal Your LIfe. For me it was one of those life-changing books that immediately speaks to your soul. One of the daily practices Louise recommends is Mirror Work, a really simple technique for increasing your self-love and healing your soul from past hurts.
Here’s how I do it: Every morning as part of my routine, I take a few minutes in front of the mirror and look into my own eyes. Then I say to myself “I love you, Cindy. I really love you”.
Oh my gosh, when I first did it I felt so AWKWARD! It feels like a very strange thing to do and I kept looking around and checking nobody could hear me. I was getting distracted by the lines around my eyes, the state of my hair and that blemish. But I kept going every morning.
After the first few days it was much easier and I started to look forward to my ‘me time’ each morning. The result has been a notable increase in my self-love, feeling loved and being loving. You can see it’s really simple, doesn’t require any special equipment or skills and there’s no downside.
So if you want to feel more loved start here, start now, and continue for 30 days – this is my loving challenge to you.
Secret #2 – Cut Out Negative Self-Talk Like A Ninja!
We all have that mean-spirited voice inside that likes to tear us down at every opportunity. Even the happiest, most joyful people will have the occasional bout of it. But some people (maybe you) have it running as a constant soundtrack in their heads – and that is toxic!
That voice is often someone we recognise, or maybe our own voice (but not the nice voice we use to talk to kittens). There are lots of ways to quiet the voice, some easier than others, but my favourite Ninja trick is to drown it out with positivity! That way you get to kill two birds with one stone – shut the critical voice up and install something more helpful at the same time.
The first step is notice when you’re being mean to yourself – that’s easy – if you feel bad about yourself, track back to what you were just thinking. I bet it wasn’t something nice!
Next, get yourself a positive phrase you can use to replace it. It’s best to have something you’ve thought up beforehand and use that every time, because then you don’t have to think about it.
I recommend Afformations instead of traditional affirmations. Afformations get into your thinking without any resistance, which makes them way more effective. Check out this book by Noah St John if you want to learn more.
It’s really easy to come up with your own Afformations. Just start with “Why?” then add the positive bit (that would be an affirmation) on the end. For example the affirmation “I am successful” becomes “Why am I successful?” as an Afformation. You can make up your own, or feel free to use my Ninja-style-helps-in-every-situation one!
Here’s my favourite go-to Afformation for use in all situations:
Why am I so loving?
Here’s another challenge for you: every day, whenever you don’t have something to actively think about, say your Afformation over and over in your head (or out loud if you wish). Repeat it so much that it becomes like a stuck record playing day in, day out and lo and behold, you have no room for that critical voice! (Ninja tip: Look out for unexpected positive effects all around you)
Secret #3 – Treat Yourself, Feel Special
OK I’ll come clean, this isn’t so much a secret as a thing you know you could do but don’t. The reason you don’t is you’re not prioritising your happiness highly enough. I’m not going to go into that now, that’s a whole other blog post!
For now, what are the things you would like someone else to do for you on Valentine’s day? Or an easier question might be what nice things would you do for your best friend on V-day?
Make a list of nice things. My list for my best friend includes the following:
- buy flowers/chocolates
- get her a card
- go out for (or cook her) a nice meal
- run her a nice bubble bath
- give a genuine compliment
- Say thank you for being there
Now the challenge this Valentine’s day is to turn that around and do those things for yourself. They don’t have to cost much money, all they take is a little time and thoughtfulness. You can do this! I get as much pleasure from flowers I’ve bought for myself as I do from flowers bought for me. If you want flowers (or anything else) stop moaning about nobody buying them for you and go and get them yourself.
Watch your attitude though – if you’re buying flowers with the attitude of “Well if nobody else will, I’ll damn well do it myself!” you probably won’t enjoy them as much. Just saying.
So buy yourself some pretty flowers, a box of chocolates and something nice for dinner. Check yourself out in the mirror and tell yourself “You look good!” and thank yourself for doing these nurturing activities.
Bonus Secret #4
My bonus secret for having a love filled Valentine’s day is simply this: to make it last all year round! Yes, that’s right, I want you to make a promise to me right now that you will make a habit of doing these things for yourself every day of the year. Because I want the very best for you and you deserve to be treated well, my lovely x
From Me To You
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Final message: Go And Do Stuff To Make Yourself Happy Now! You promised me, so don’t let me down.
Happy Valentine’s day!